I almost died today

It's true.

No, not really. But it could have been.

It was 5:56 am. I had just brushed two inches of snow off my car and was ready to get in and head off to work. I got in my car, backed out of my parking space, and prepared to stare death in the face.

Death in the form of my driveway, that is.

The thing is a beast.

I knew I was going to have to gun it to make it out with all that snow, so I slammed on my accelerator, the tires spun, and off I went. I made it about 3/4 of the way up when I could tell I wasn't going to go any further.

Unfortunately, I couldn't tell soon enough. Before I could get my car in reverse I started sliding backwards down the driveway. Now, I realized I could have just let it slide down and kept tapping the breaks, but I don't think that fast in a crisis.

I just got a new transmission so I'm not about to put my car in reverse without coming to a complete stop. Or trying to. It didn't work so well. I just about slid backward into the ditch. I kept turning and turning my wheel to the left to avoid the lawn, the whole time trying to get into reverse, when all of a sudden the tires catch and I go shooting off the other side of the driveway, onto the sidewalk.

Yeah, I ran over the sidewalk. And a huge rock. I heard it hit my bumper. Or perhaps the underside of my car. Who can say?

By now I have it in reverse so I correct my path and ease back down the driveway, just terrified of hitting the house. I back up all the way to the garage and prepare to gun it again. The tires catch and I speed up the driveway only to get stopped by the snowplow bank at the top. I let my tires spin until I smell rubber, finally realizing I'm not going to make it on attempt number two either. By that time I had the whole reverse-slide-down-the-driveway down so I got her in reverse before I started sliding and backed down.

Well, 80% backed, 20% slid.

I go all the way back to the garage again. Sat there for a minute to prepare myself and calm my nerves. (And you can bet I was shaking after that. Keep in mind it's very dark at 6am. And it was still snowing.) After I felt ready I decided I was going all the way. No stopping at the top to check for traffic. If someone came they would have to either stop or hit me, because there wasn't going to be anything I could do about it.

I gunned 'er for the third time and just about didn't make it, but make it I did. No one hit me, either. I even went sliding across my lane and into the opposite and managed to not get hit. Fortunately for me there aren't a lot of people on the side streets at 6:02 in the morning.

I decided the next time there's snow I'm making my husband buy me a four-wheel drive vehicle.

Or probably I'll just use the truck to pack down the snow so I can get out with the car. Wish me luck.

i almost peed my pants

Well, my swimsuit anyway.

Darren and I went to Grand Cayman in March. You can read about the things I learned here.

While doing some research for the trip I read about Stingray City. You can read about that here.

I decided I would love nothing more than to swim with the stingrays. Heaven knows what possessed me to decide that at the time, but fortunately it turned out to be the best part of our trip. I had read online several recommendations for Fat Fish Adventures, which is where we ultimately wound up booking our excursion through. If you ever visit Stingray City, I highly recommend this company. Stingray City is out on a sandbar and it is a major tourist attraction. While everyone else was snorkeling in their groups of 40 (as in about 5 groups of 40) off the back of several large boats, we got to ride jet skis out to the sandbar and were off by ourselves in a tiny group of 7. Plus we had food for the stingrays. And they knew it.

Back to the part where I almost peed my pants.

After about an hour of jet skiing around the ocean (which my husband loved) we headed out to the sandbar. Peter, the owner of Fat Fish and our guide, hops off his jet ski and directs us all in so he can anchor them down. He tells us to jump off. Into a sea of stingrays. No kidding, they are already coming to check us out.

Now, just to give you some perspective, I totally did not think I would be scared at all. I mean, years of this tourist attraction and no one has ever been hurt. Everyone does it. How scary can it possibly be? This coming from someone who isn't afraid of snakes, spiders, heights, roller coasters, small spaces, or the dark. (I'm pretty much only afraid of scary movies. And someone breaking into my house and murdering me.) I thought I would be fine. What's to fear from a stingray?

Big mistake.

Okay, first off, they're huge. Some of them were probably about five feet wide. You can see in the picture I have my arms out to hold it and it's definitely way bigger than the circle they make.

Secondly, not only are they not afraid, they're friendly. As in, when they know you have food they will swim at you to get it. And they don't veer away suddenly, oh no. They just crash right into you and about knock you over. For real. The above picture? I literally just held the camera underwater in front of my stomach and took the picture about half a second before it crashed into me.

There were about 10-15 that were swimming around us so it was literally impossible not to touch them. Especially since they certainly weren't worried about touching us. If you can't tell, there are four, possibly five, of them in the above picture. Probably because Darren is holding the bag of squid.

After I while we got used to them. We didn't have much of a choice, really.

I did feel one of their stingers. One was swimming by me and I felt the stinger on its tail scrape my leg. It didn't hurt bad but later I noticed there was a definite scratch there. And that when it only brushed by me. I can't imagine getting stung by one. I did, however, get a stingray hickey.

I kid you not.

See how Darren (on the right) is holding the squid up to the stingrays mouth? You probably can't see the mouth, actually. But anyway, the stingray just suctions the squid right in, like a vacuum cleaner.

The stingray missed the squid and got my arm.

You might be able to see it in this picture. It's right below that mole in the center. Also, you can see my PMLE, which you can read about here. This blog is nothing if not educational.

Hey, I try.

After stingray city we went snorkeling by a reef and then stopped at the beach at Rum Point where Peter bought us each a drink.

Such a nice guy, Peter.

The trip was a definite two thumbs up.

Was that cheesy, or was that cheesy?

Sorry about that.

Ewww

This is Darren's NRA hat. He wears it everywhere. He got it for free when he joined the NRA.

He had his Combat Action Badge sewn onto the side. He did have some pins on there but one fell off and the other one he took off. He's had this hat for about two years.

One of Darren's friends had a birthday a couple weeks ago. Darren got him a one-year membership to the NRA. Somehow another hat got sent in the mail to us.

Notice the cleanliness. This is the exact same hat Darren got two years ago.

All I have to say: ewww.

I Must Be Crazy

I'm actually considering the CPA exam.

I know, I know. Those of you who know me and my intense dislike for exams, studying, homework, and the CPA exam in general are probably more than shocked. I mean, who wouldn't want to take an exam with a 30% passing rate? And just for your information, that number does not mean 30% pass the CPA on their first try. Oh no. It means 30% OVERALL. Seventy whole percent of people who take the CPA will eventually give up. Lovely news. Do you want to know what percentage of people pass the CPA on their first try? It's estimated at about 15%. Those are some smart cookies, there.

Being a fifth-year accounting major, I happen to know a couple of people who are in the process. And oh, the horror stories they have to tell. It's not pretty. Hours of studying, multiple fails. It doesn't sound like any fun at all.

Here's how the CPA exam breaks down, because I'm sure you're dying of curiosity.

The CPA exam is made up of four sections: Auditing & Attestation; Financial Accounting & Reporting; Regulation; and Business Environment & Concepts. It costs about $1,000 to take the CPA, and that's not counting the cost of a review course, which can range anywhere from $1,000-$2,000. (And let me tell you, if I ever do take the CPA, you can bet your butt I'm taking a review course. Study on my own? Are you freakin' KIDDING me?!) So it would cost me at least $2,000, depending on my review course of choice. Although, as my current accounting professor likes to point out, that's a cheap Master's. Which is oh so true. Although sometimes I wonder if a Master's would be easier.

You have 18 months to successfully pass all four sections of the exam. If you do not finish the last one before your passing grade (75% or better) on the first one expires, you have to retake the first one. This is why it is recommended you take the most difficult section first, which varies for each individual. That way, it's all downhill from there. You don't want to wait and do the most difficult section last and run out of time, because no one wants to put themselves through that much misery. The exams can only be taken 8 months of the year, called testing windows. They are Jan/Feb; April/May; July/August; and Oct/Nov. The other months are closed to testing. You can take each section once during each testing window. So if you were really ambitious (and really stupid...or a genius) you could take all four in two months. This is not recommended.

To apply to take the CPA you have to fill out a million forms, pay a fee of who even knows how much, and wait 6-8 weeks while your credentials are verified. Then you have to schedule the first test. And study. And pass. And then you would schedule the second test. Et cetera.

Also, did I mention in the state of Minnesota you have to have at least 150 credits, of which 24 must be upper-level? No? In case you don't know, a normal Bachelor's degree is 120 credits. So yeah, lots of school there. Fortunately for me, I got screwed over transferring so I have one million credits. Actually, 163, but you get the picture.

To actually receive the CPA license you have to:
(1) Actually pass the CPA exam, which is easier said than done
(2) Complete one year of work experience (just found out working for the government qualifies)
(3) Pass the self-study Ethics Exam
(4) Apply for the CPA Certificate

And to maintain your license you would need to have continuing education. I want to say it's 80 hours over a two-year period, with no less than 20 hours in a year, but I might be wrong. If you are REALLY curious, you can probably find the answer here. I'm not feeling up to searching for it at the moment.

So now that you know all about this evil exam, what are your opinions? In the current economy it is highly advantageous to have a CPA. And I do really want it. I just don't want to do the work. Which is pathetic, but true. Anyway, the reason I've been thinking about it so much lately is because everyone (and by everyone I mean everyone who is an accountant) says I should be doing it. I ran into my accounting professor from St. Scholastica at a job fair yesterday and he asked me if I was going to take it. He told me I should. My current accounting professor is under the belief that the CPA is for everyone, so I know he wants me to take it. But I have to say, I'm not feeling it.

I'm definitely closer to considering it now than I ever have been, but I'm still unsure. One, it's very expensive. Two, I only want to take it if I'm going to pass. Who wants to be in that 70% bracket? Not me. And there's no one who can guarantee I will pass. Kaplan CPA review says it takes about 250-400 hours of study for the whole exam, which really isn't too bad when you think about it. That breaks down to a maximum of 100 hours per section, and it's recommended you schedule your test at least 45 days out, so that means studying for a maximum of 2.2 hours everyday. (And yes, I did that on my calculator.) Which compared to the homework I've been doing the past four and a half years, isn't actually all that bad.

Well, I'm tired of thinking about the CPA exam. It's too stressful. Hopefully you found this very informative. And I'm sure you're oh-so-happy you didn't major in accounting.

And if you did, I pity your soul.

i shoulda been a boy scout

It definitely would have prepared me better for my life with my husband. He informed me the other day he's thinking about adding more time onto his contract with the National Guard.

Great. Just what I wanted to hear.

And on top of that, he might decide to VOLUNTEER for the deployment to Afghanistan next fall.

Wonderful.

Life with him is teaching me to "always be prepared" for whatever future he decides to throw at us.

irrational fear

I have an irrational fear of zombie movies. I never watch them unless I can avoid it. Last year Darren took me to see I Am Legend with Will Smith. And I like Will Smith. But I DID NOT know it was a zombie movie and I WAS NOT pleasantly suprised. A couple months ago I sat down to watch Resident Evil on the recommendation of a friend (you know who you are). She said it was good. I turned it off the second that dead girl floating the the water opened her eyes. Talk about being freaked out. Nobody told me it was a zombie movie! (Later I told myself I was being stupid and managed to finish the movie, alternating between hiding under the blanket and closing my eyes.) After I saw The Ring I had nightmares about that creepy girl for weeks. The ones with children scare me the most. I can't even watch scary movie previews in the theater. I close my eyes (and cover my ears if they're way out there) and tell Darren to hit me when it's over. I know, I know, I'm pathetic.

Anyway, last night I had zombie dreams. I'm not sure why since I haven't seen a zombie movie since the Resident Evil mistake. Although I was watching the third season of Alias a couple weeks ago and the very last episode has some minor zombie-like tendencies... Anyway, I kept waking up and thinking to myself "stop thinking about it and you won't dream about it." It didn't work. Every time I went back to sleep I had the same zombie dream. And I kept waking up. (Needless to say I didn't sleep very well for the second night in a row.) The bad thing was I had to go to the bathroom. Okay, don't judge me for this, but I was too scared to get out of bed and go to the bathroom. The zombies would eat me! I don't want to be a zombie! Somebody save me please! So I went back to sleep, and kept waking up, and waking up, and waking up. By then I wasn't sure if I was waking up from the zombie dreams or because my bladder was going to explode. Eventually it was light enough that the zombies would seek cover, so I figured it was safe to go to the bathroom. I slept fine after that. I told you it was irrational.