p90x

Darren and I started p90x a week ago.

I already want to kill myself. We work out over an hour a day, six days a week, and have to follow this crazy eating plan. Of which chocolate is not a main food group.

It's not going well.

Darren's parents have done it a couple times and they really like it. Darren loves it, but I don't think it's for me. I haven't lost a single pound and I've done more push-ups in the past week than the rest of my life combined.

I really don't do well with restrictive eating plans and daily workouts. That's not my style. I've tried it before and it doesn't work for me. Like yesterday, after a week of no sweets, all I wanted was to pound a bag of M&Ms. So I did. Well, half a bag (and I didn't tell Darren). If they would have been dark chocolate it probably would have been the whole bag. And this is what I try to tell Darren. I need to have something sweet during the week otherwise I just freak out on weekends and eat bags of candy. He doesn't get it.

And I do complain about wanting to lose a couple pounds, so I can see why he really wants me to do this with him. And also why he always tells me to stop eating chocolate, but it is getting freaking ANNOYING as all get out. I'm about ready to drop a couple choice words at him the next time I say I want some chocolate and he says, "You don't need any." Someone's gonna take a punch in the face pretty soon.

I know how to lose weight. I do. I've done it my way, and it worked. And yes, I realize I haven't lost any weight for a while, but I haven't been trying my best. And my best includes a daily dose of chocolate. Yes, it takes longer, but that's what works for me. I tried to tell Darren that p90x isn't a lifestyle change, it's a restrictive diet and exercise program. It's not realistic, and it's not sustainable. I can't work out for an hour and a half every day for the rest of my life. Nor can I be limited to two pieces of bread per day with no other carbs. It's just not realistic, and it's not going to stick.

So here's what I've decided about p90x: I'm going to give it my best shot on the workouts and eating plan, but if I eat a piece of cake or skip an hour and a half of yoga, I'm not gonna sweat it. Life happens. And when Darren starts round two, you can sure as shootin' count me out.