letting go

Do you have a hard time letting things go?

Sometimes I can be so carefree about the loss of a possession or a dream, and other times I'm so bitter.

Like now.

And really, in the grand scheme of life, this thing I can't let go of is pretty small. And will be non-existent in another month, but it's the principle of the thing.

I planned, and I hoped, and I planned some more, and then through not entirely my own fault something went wrong.

And the bitterness is eating me alive.

Well, that may be a slight exaggeration, but I'm pretty upset about it. Mostly I've just been really into the word "bitter" lately. Probably because it perfectly describes how I feel right now.

Yes, I know that God is in control, but in the spectrum ranging from total apathy to "my way or the highway" I've always leaned more towards the side of control freak. And sometimes my plans don't line up with God's. Much as a try, I still possess some sick temptation to create incredibly inflexible five- and ten- and twenty-year plans for my life.

Which is ridiculous for two reasons: (1) I know firsthand how drastically and suddenly life can change, and (2) only God can know the future.

So, again, in the grand scheme of life (and my twenty-year plan) four weeks is no big deal. And really, I do believe in God's timing, so as they say, I'll "let go and let God."

Hopefully sometime before the next month is over. Hey, what can I say? I'm a work in progress.