I love my husband, even when he drives me crazy.
Like a month ago, when he said he was thinking about volunteering for a deployment to Kuwait.
Out of nowhere. Except, really, if you know my husband, potentially going overseas for a year isn't really out of nowhere; it's always on the back burner.
He's just like that. Eventually he decided not to go, but in the meantime, I had some stressful moments, especially because I was sworn to secrecy about the whole thing.
Except I told my awesome friend Courtney, because she's the only other person in the whole world who could possibly understand my dilemma.
Anyway, I'm one of those people who works an idea around and around and around and around eighteen hundred times. I need to look at every angle, consider every possibility. Here's what I wrote in my journal:
Also in recent news: potential deployment to Kuwait.
Is that how you spell Kuwait? I believe so.
On Friday Darren told me he was considering volunteering for the deployment to Kuwait leaving June 2011.
I'm torn up about it.
Pros: Money. I love my job. And working there longer means we can save even more money. I'd rather he do it now that later. It is only Kuwait. Risks are less than, say, Afghanistan.
Cons: Darren gone. For a year. That's a while. Potentially giving birth/raising a baby by self for a while. Doing everything BY MYSELF. Now, I feel I'm pretty independent, and hopefully wouldn't end up with a boatload of only horror stories, but even I know I will probably have a mental breakdown. Or seventeen.
Essentially, I can sum up the key factors into one statement: money vs. mental sanity.
True story. Notice I don't mention the possibility of Darren getting killed. Two reason: (1) It's not an option. (2) He's more likely to die in a car accident while not wearing his seat belt and texting.
I guess there's a third reason, too: it's Kuwait. Darren called the mission lame and said he wants to go to Afghanistan. I said, "But if you knew you were leaving behind a child it would probably be different." He didn't say anything.
That's a bad sign.
I should have know he would end up deciding to stay here, since this whole scenario has already gone down one other time this year. In any case, even though he puts me through all kinds of mentally stressful problems, I still love him.