the thing about resolutions

I have never kept a single New Year's resolution.

Never.

A friend told me the most common New Year's resolution is to lose weight, but by the end of the year only 3% of people will have stuck to it.

Sounds about right.

Thing thing about resolutions is they aren't specific. Everyone says, "I want to lose weight" or "I want to exercise more" or "I want to spend more time with family" but no one defines exactly what that means.

So I don't make those kind of resolutions anymore. Instead I make resolutions like "I will lose two pounds this month" or "I will exercise three times this week."

Finally, a concrete goal.

One I usually do not achieve. But still, progress is progress.

If you've been reading my blog for a while you'll remember last spring and summer I used to do posts I called "weight loss Wednesdays." Well, I still have not been successful in my goal to lose that last five...err...eight pounds. Unfortunately. Those three pounds I gained last year before Christmas are still hanging on. I am very proud to say I didn't gain any weight this year over Christmas, but I didn't lose any either. Not to say I tried all that hard.

So here it is, one of my many 2010 resolutions:

I will lose that last five (eight) pounds.

I've only been trying to reach my goal weight for, oh, about three years. It's ironic, is it not, that I could lose nearly forty pounds so (relatively) easily but just cannot for the life of me get rid of the last five?

Okay, okay, I know it's eight. I'll stop pretending it's five. Stinking Christmas 2008.

This is bound to be tough. When I lost the weight before I frequently exercised an hour--or more--a day. I don't have time for that anymore. Although if I put down the M&Ms occasionally I might not need to work out so hard.

Remember my post about foods I no longer eat?

I may have stretched the truth about those M&Ms. It sure seems that way lately. I was definitely telling the truth about the Cosmic Brownies, though. I had a Swiss Cake Roll about a week ago and man, oh man did it ever taste like heaven. I can't think "Little Debbie" without thinking Cosmic Brownie, so it brought back some fond memories.

Sometimes I wonder if people can tell I used to be fat by the things I say. Do normal people have this obsession with Cosmic Brownies? What can I say? I'm a fat girl at heart. Sometimes I think I should re-title my blog "confessions of an obsessive compulsive eater."

In fact, one time during a diet I told Darren to not let me eat any chocolate. I tried to sneak some and he caught me. Literally chased me around the house until I shoved the candy in my mouth--wrapper and all because I couldn't get it off fast enough--so he wouldn't take it from me.

If that doesn't sound like a fat girl, I don't know what does.

I'm a little embarrassed to have shared that with you.

In fact, perhaps I'm sharing too much, with all my confessions of Little Debbie fixations and forty-pound weight loss. Sometimes I can be that way. I'm shy at first but once I get to know you there isn't much of anything I won't share. Well, you don't have to read it if you don't want to. But as for me, I'm proud of how much weight I lost. It certainly wasn't fun or easy. Although compared to the eight (gasp!) pounds I can't lose now it sure seems like it was.

So, in front of God and everyone with internet access, I'm making a resolution. I am going to do my best to lose those last eight pounds. (I can't say I am going to lose them. What if I get in a car accident and spend months in the hospital and--heaven forbid--gain twenty pounds?!) I'm going to be more diligent about what I eat and do my best to exercise more often. And, ugh, start doing more strength training. Heaven help me, I hate lifting weights. Give me cardio any day of the week.

For accountability's sake I'll be posting my weight-loss on here. Gulp. Not weekly like I did before. That got to be too much. And too depressing for me. But every so often you can expect to see something along those lines. And if you don't like it, maybe you'll just have to skip reading my post on those days.

Deal with it.

My best friend in this ever-present battle: 1 Corinthians 10:13.

No temptation has seized you except what is common to man. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can stand up under it.

As of this very moment I am 8.5 pounds away from my goal weight. And yes, it probably will take me a year to lose it. I'm like that, unfortunately. Wish me luck.

I'll keep you posted.